Three kind of days; good days, oh-hum days, and then there are bad days. Today is a bad day for me. I am feeling rather disillusioned and despondent about many things, namely my ability at making (and maintaining) friendships, and my artistic skills.
I don't seem to have a problem with internet friendships, but the local ones are an epic fail. My track record of the past 27 years isn't very good. Perhaps the buffer created by the distance is what keeps my internet relationships stable. I wonder in fear what would happen to them if they were to be "local" friends. Would they get annoyed or fed up with me and ditch me in turn? I seem to be cursed in that department. By societies standards, I am just too complex a person for most individual to take time to get to know, and because the rule of thumb in the 21st century is rush-rush-rush, my attempts at congeniality are simply bound to fail. This school year is rather lonely, even though some of my old classmates from cert. III are there. The cliques have already formed and I am unfortunately part of none. Persona non grata. The days are long and boring, focused on the task at hand and getting the job done. I come home feeling like a drained robot that needs its emotional battery recharged (i.e. a swift kick in the rear to "finish this certificate".) It's just not fun anymore and it's affecting my morale and artwork.
The more I delve into the art world, the more I wonder where I can possibly fit in; I am shy, introverted, I hate fashion and trends, I despise gossip and exclusivity, and I don't care for superficial chit-chat. Even if I was to be "discovered" for my amazingly stunning talents *cough cough splutter*, how the hell would I fare at an exhibition where it's all about mingling, bantering and uppity attitude? Someone shoot me, please! As for my skills, I was told by a former art teacher that comparing yourself to others is a useless and self-defeating attitude, but I can't help it... There are just SO MANY amazingly skilled artists out there, it's crazy! People that have incredible super-realistic talents that I wish I could emulate. Take for example Michelle Caitens. She's a local artist that lives not far from here. Her artwork leaves me speechless! Apparently, we have an upcoming task this semester where we have to interview a well know local artist. Now's the time to pound out the questions and get answers. I hope I can get to chat with this lady... I have a million questions I'd love to ask her.
I guess it's true what they say; bitches rule, good girls finish last. Now if you will please excuse me... I need to go shove my head in the oven. Damn! It's electric! I just can't get a win today.